Jennie Finch here is my favourite Olympic athlete ever. When she showed up to the ESPYs that year in that black dress and went about her business of being all hot and stuff, I was intrigued. When she struck out Mike Cameron on a softball field, I decided that she would forever be the unobtainable love of my life. I also decided I wished I had gone to a Pac-10 school.
Anyways, in Finch’s honour, here are the stars of the 2008 Olympics in this man’s opinion. Let’s keep in mind that this list is in no particular order, that it’s based purely on aesthetics, and that I’m a pig. Also, this only rule I’m going to go by is that these can’t be people that have been gushed over on ESPN before—so bye-bye to Maria Sharapova, Amy Acuff, Heather Mitts or Amanda Beard. Let’s dig in.
Nastia Liukin
I’ve gone to great lengths to describe my love for this spunky gymnastic queen. I don’t want to turn this into me verbally masturbating over a bunch of chicks, so that, as they say, is that.
Lolo Jones
The American hurdler was well on her way to winning the 100m hurdles in Beijing before she fell out of history and into disgrace. It wasn’t all bad though: it meant Priscilla Lopes-Schliep got the bronze, and Jones still looked good, even if she couldn’t perform well.
Danielle Lawrie
A pitcher for Canada’s softball team, I don’t think she ever saw the field with all the innings Lauren Bay-Regula (who didn’t quite make the list) pitched, which left her plenty of time to look good in the bullpen. Bonus points here for being Brett Lawrie’s sister; Brett Lawrie is awesome.
Jodie Bowering
Sticking with softball, Bowering comes from down under, which means not only is she a cute blonde (you’ll notice the theme), but she’s a cute blonde with a funny accent who calls a garage a “carpark”.
Martina Guiggi
Guiggi is a really tall Italian lady who enjoys long walks on the beach, chianti by candlelight, and smacking balls at other chicks really hard. Bonus points for the sexy accent and a presumed propensity for going topless on the beach.
Hope Solo
Apparently she’s a world class bitch who was actually kicked off the US national team after that outburst, but she’s forgiven because she’s, you know, attractive and all that.
Gail Emms
I’m not sure if she should count because she plays such a lame almost-not-a-sport sport, but she probably single-handedly drove up the BBC’s ratings during the badminton tournament. Great Britain doesn’t show up on these lists often, but Emms definitely belongs.
Leryn Franco
The Parguayan model/javelin thrower (which is the best slash job ever) should be the next Amy Acuff, and win all those “hottest athlete alive ever?” contests that male oriented websites like hosting.
Erin Phillips
You see her with her dishevelled hair and she looks like she’s cute with a bit of spunk. Then she shows up in Alpha magazine, and this point guard from Down Under comes across as a kinky submissive with a great ass and good fashion sense when it comes to lingerie.
Alicia Sacramone
Overshadowed in both talent and looks by Nastia Liukin, Sacramone winds up on this list for two reasons: 1) Her low self-confidence after her epic fail in Beijiing makes her the most available person on this list, and 2) She has a wicked left hook. Also, she goes to like Harvard or Yale or one of those big fancy schools.
Emma Snowsill
Yet an other Aussie, I don’t really have a lot to saw about her, so I’ll let the pictures do the talking. She does have a great last name, though.
Marie-Pierre Gagné
I didn’t watch synchronized swimming, but I did like her Rona commercial, and it’s hard not to have a thing for Quebecois girls.
Okay, Imrie doesn’t technically count as she didn’t participate in Beijing, but I saw her Petro-Can commercial like 18 000 times. She’s right about one thing: shooting can be beautiful—or at least sort of cute.
1 Comment
April 1, 2009 at 4:38 am
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