No, the answer isn’t JR, but rather the patchy-bearded and jersey-less pyscho who made the crotchety old man angry enough to get off his fireside rocking chair and try to play cowboy for a couple laps around the rink.
Dan Carcillo is the most valuable player in fantasy hockey this year (at least in Yahoo leagues that count PIM). How is it possible that a guy your father has probably never heard of be more important than Crosby, Ovechkin or Malkin? It comes down to one number: 324. Or, more specifically, 5.7. That’s how many PIMs Carcillo racked up last year. Carcillo is the only player in the league (except Roberto Luongo on one of his doesn’t-give-up-a-goal-for-a-fortnight streaks) who can guarantee a roto win in a statistical category—whether it’s weekly in a head-to-head match-up or over the course of a season. The difference between Ovechkin and Malkin in points last year was 6: 112–106. The difference between Carcillo and Jared Boll was 324–226. And that was with the 25 games Carcillo missed thanks to his “rage issues”.
Moreover, Carcillo isn’t completely useless on the hockey rink with the exception of his fists. in his 57 games last year, Carcillo racked up 13 goals and 11 assists, was plus one, and had 8 powerplay points, essentially making him a rich man’s Sean Avery without the metrosexualness and douchebaggery and more anger.
Some argue that Carcillo will fight less this year with the addition of Todd Fedoruk and Brian McGrattan, but the key to Carcillo’s brilliance wasn’t his fighting ability; it was the way he went the extra mile to get the extra minutes. By my very rough count, he was kicked out of five games last season and suspended twice. And he had five more misconducts beyond that. The guy is insane, and he’ll keep calling opponents, fans, officials, the team owner, whoever a cock-sucking motherfucker, even if he’s not fighting as much this time.
So yeah, drafting Carcillo is the key to success this season, just as picking him up off wiavers was the key to winning last year. I’m not saying take him first overall or anything like that, but if he’s around in the 8th-ish round (you should have 5–6 scorers and at least 1 goalie before picking him up) pounce on him in a hurry. You can thank me later.
